Posts Tagged ‘leadership development’

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Listen up, guys!

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

Here’s a great success tip for all the guys out there in management:

Start hearing the women on your team.

Whoa! Calm down! You didn’t think I meant YOU, did you? Certainly not! I’m sure you don’t have a problem with this. It’s all those OTHER guys out there.

Or is it?

Let me tell you a story I heard recently. A client of mine was frustrated because she, and all the women on her team, didn’t feel they were being heard by the rest of the team. (Read: By the men on the team.) So she decided to run an experiment. She had an idea she wanted to present at the next meeting. She enlisted a male colleague in the experiment, and told him the idea too. The plan was, she would offer up her idea first. Then, 15 minutes later, he would offer up virtually the same idea, phrased slightly differently. Guess what happened?

    Response to her idea: “Okay, that’s interesting. Thanks.”
    Response to “his” idea: “Hey, what a great idea!”

In case you think this is an isolated incident, every woman I’ve told the story to says the same thing: “I’m not the least bit surprised.”

Are you surprised? Is this happening on your team? Are you sure? If I were you, I’d make sure, because if it is, it’s costing you, big time. Share this article with the women on your team, or, for that matter, with anyone you think of as being “different” from you. Ask them, “Am I doing this? Are you not feeling heard? What could I do to be better about this?”

The bad news? You might not like what you hear. The good news, though, is that it’s an incredible opportunity for you. There’s a tremendous source of great ideas and passion just waiting to be put to use in helping you and your team stand out and succeed. And the best part is, it’s completely free! All you have to do is start hearing everyone on your team, no matter who they are, no matter how different from you they may seem to be.

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Avoiding the “Bonehead Move.”

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

People can make such bonehead moves, can’t they? I’m sorry, but it’s true! Take this story, for example …

A sales team of twenty people were competing with each other in a friendly, month-long contest. At their end-of-month meeting, the manager got up and announced the two winners. Everything was fun and upbeat … until he said this: “If the rest of you slackers were as intelligent and hard-working as these two, maybe you’d have been up here!”

See what I mean? “Motivation through Shame and Insults!” What was he thinking? (It didn’t work, by the way. The team was furious.) Sadly, this sort of thing happens every day, and it boggles the mind. How can you explain it? I mean, seriously, don’t they know?

Here’s the thing: they don’t know. And that’s the key to the whole problem. (more…)

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Case Study: Difficult Conversation Between Peer-Level Teams.

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

I had a conversation this past week with a physician/administrator who needed to address an on-going problem with another team. Here’s the email she was planning to send:

“Hi guys,

There was a patient last night [ who was transferred to our unit without you briefing us on the case ]. If you would like help in managing these cases, you need to page us. It’s not acceptable or safe to expect the nurse who wasn’t present for the case to try to relay the message of what happened and what needs to be done. In general, if you want us to see any of your patients we would appreciate a page, but especially when there are unstable patients or urgent situations. If you call the central operator (x-xxxxxx-x) they can promptly connect you to us.

Thanks.”

Based on the facts, she seemed to have a reasonable position. Also, this was not the first communication on the subject, so there was a certain amount of frustration on her part, which I think you can hear in her note.

But, to me, her email had real problems. It was antagonistic, judgmental and condescending, even calling into question the other team’s commitment to patient’s safety. Bottom line, if I had received the note, I would have felt attacked and likely dug in my heels, and been even less open to anything she had to say in the future. In other words, her note would have had the opposite effect of what she wanted.

As we talked about the situation, it seemed to me the biggest problem was the tension in their work relationship. I didn’t feel she was going to be heard on her main points until she first addressed that reality. In addition, I thought the points themselves would be more effective if presented in a more inclusive, respectful, and non-confrontational way. Here’s what we came up with as an alternate: (more…)

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Love your job?

Monday, April 26th, 2010

I was ordering a take-out lunch the other day and was really struck by the young woman behind the counter who was helping me. She was polite and efficient, but at the same time she seemed to be almost constitutionally unable to smile. We made direct eye contact several times throughout the ordering process but it was always the same:

“Welcome, sir can I help you?” No smile.
“Anything more you’d like with that?” Nothing there.
“Do you want some napkins? Do you need your receipt?” Stone-faced.
“All right, thank you.” Not a glimmer. No movement at the corner of the mouth, at the eyes. Nothing.

Does she love her job? It sure didn’t look like it to me. Now, the truth is, of course, I don’t really know. At one time or another everyone gives an impression that’s different from what they really feel. So it’s possible she does love her job and just isn’t a smiler. But as a customer, the impression I get in that moment is all I have to go on. So, based on that, the answer is no, she does not love her job. She doesn’t even like her job. Being there, wearing that uniform, serving her customers: zero fun, for her. No pleasure whatsoever.

Now, from a management perspective, the question of whether someone who gives that sort of impression should be in a position like that is a great question. But for this discussion I’m really more interested in the question from her perspective, about what’s good for her. (more…)

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Fired for being unhappy?

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

Do you know anybody who is clearly not happy in their job? Someone who’s always whining and complaining about this or that, always spreading their negativity around to the rest of the team? Me too. I’m sure every organization has them. For me, whenever I meet someone like that I always think, since they’re so obviously unhappy, why do they stay? I mean, I know it’s not that simple, but still, I can’t help but wonder.

And then I found the answer. A friend sent me this article the other day, and it really clarified for me what I think is the ultimate reason unhappy people stick around: it’s because the organization lets them. For whatever reason, the organization hasn’t included “happiness in the position” as an essential requirement for the job, so the individual is allowed to stick around even though they’re bringing down the whole team.

As if to reinforce the point, a couple of days later I heard about a study on the impact of “bad apples” on a team’s performance. The researchers assigned different teams identical tasks, and the team with the bad apple came in last every time.

Now, before you launch into all the reasons why “firing the unhappy” is over-simplistic, unreasonable, inhuman, or whatever, please read the piece. It’s actually very thoughtful and sensitive to the people involved. Also, understand that I always err on the side of the individual and what they can do for themselves first. But at some point, someone has to enforce standards, and that ultimately comes down to managers and leaders taking action. Besides, you’re not really firing someone because they’re unhappy anyway, you’re just helping them find somewhere where they are happy. How is that not a good thing?

However you approach it, the bottom line is that if someone who reports to you is truly unhappy, you can’t just ignore it. You need to do something about it and help them find a position that’s a better fit. The change doesn’t have to happen today, necessarily. Don’t make it a bigger problem than it needs to be. But at least talk about it, get it out into the open, and start putting some energy into finding a better fit. Because having someone stick around in a position that’s a bad fit serves no one. It’s no good for the individual. And it’s deadly for the organization.

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Presentation Tip: “Be the Host”

Monday, February 1st, 2010

How do you like giving presentations? Do you look forward to it? If so, you’re in the minority. It scares most people to death! I was in Atlanta doing a session this last Monday—for Anthem/BCBS—and it reminded me that I actually love it. (Especially when it’s with such a great group of people!) That’s a nice thing, I think, and I feel truly fortunate to have the opportunity to meet and work with people in that environment.

That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t still get nervous beforehand, because I definitely do. Here’s a tip I use that helps: “Be the Host.”

Before my presentation begins, I look out at the audience and imagine I’m hosting a dinner party, and they’re my guests. So, I don’t see them as strangers, wondering who I am (and who I think I am to be coming in here telling them anything), but as my friends, who are genuinely interested in what I have to say. They’re not sitting in judgement of me, demanding I earn their respect or be quickly dismissed. They know and like me already, and are looking forward to spending some time together. Best of all, I’m not frightened at the thought of going out there and making a fool of myself. I’ve planned things out, I’m feeling good about what I’ve prepared, and I’m genuinely looking forward to sharing it with them and making sure they enjoy themselves. And you know what? They are going to enjoy themselves—and I am too.

This might seem silly, but it works for me. No, it doesn’t get rid of all my nerves, but it does help quite a bit.

(more…)

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2020 Vision (Not for your eyes. For your life.)

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Four years ago, we started a new family tradition. During the last week of the year, we all sit on the couch, turn the video camera on ourselves, and recap everything that’s happened during the year. At this stage, with two kids under five, the videos are very sweet. I can also already tell how fantastic they’re going to be for all of us as time goes on—watching the kids grow up, and ourselves grow, well, let’s just say wiser. :-)

The idea grew out of a habit of mine to take this week between Christmas and New Year’s to reflect on the year past, and think about the one to come. But really, it’s a little reflection and a lot of thinking about the year to come. What am I going to do next year? What am I excited about? Where are things going to be this time next year? It’s a fun and helpful process, but since this New Year’s Day will also New Decade’s Day, I’m changing things a bit this year. Instead of focusing only on 2010, I’m also thinking about 2020.

How about you? Where do you want to be in ten years? What’s your 2020 Vision? How different will things be then from the way they are today? Most important, what choices will you make, starting today, to put you on a path to getting there?

There’s an old proverb that says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.” What better time than the start of a new decade to take that idea to heart? Let’s plant some trees, shall we? (more…)

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You Can’t Take It Back

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Ever said something you wish you could take back? Me too. Here’s one from 25 years ago. (It’s not that I have to go back that far to find an example. Just to find one that doesn’t still hurt.) :-)

Back then, I was on the road full-time playing music, and had a band of my own, called, originally enough, The David Levin Band. We played a lot of places in the middle of nowhere and had a good bit of fun doing it. (A sad sort of fun, in retrospect. But hey, we were young!) I should also say that I wasn’t much of a band leader. In those days, I was generally more interested in hanging out with my buddies than running a business. But during one particular band meeting I apparently felt some sudden misguided impulse to take charge or something because I distinctly remember saying to the band, “Guys, this is not a democracy!”

Twenty-five years later, I’m still paying for it.
(more…)

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Got a problem with someone? Try saying, “I’m sorry.”

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Here’s something you can take to the bank: If you’re having some sort of trouble with someone—conflict, tension, bad blood, whatever—nothing gets things back on track like a good old-fashioned apology.

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” you say, “It wasn’t my fault.”

I understand. And I didn’t say it was. But who’s at fault is not the point. The point is that the relationship has gone bad, and that’s no good for either of you.

Besides, I’m not saying you should apologize for whatever it is you’re disagreeing about. In fact, doing so might do more harm than good. The most important thing here is that whatever you say has to be authentic and heartfelt. Apologizing for something that you didn’t actually do is likely to be neither. And it could even be seen as being manipulative, which is even worse.
(more…)

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Mentor or Communication Coach?

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

I got a nice note back from a Don’t Just Talk reader the other day. The note basically said, “Really enjoyed the book, thanks. One thing though: Rather than coaching, I’ve always relied on mentoring, and recommend mentoring to other leaders too. Just another thought.”

First, let me say that this is a really good guy who I like a lot. He’s a senior-level leader with a large healthcare organization. But to suggest that mentoring is a substitute for communication coaching, well, to quote Marge from the movie Fargo, “I’m not sure I agree with your police work there, Lou.”

Consider this excerpt from Don’t Just Talk:

“It might seem like getting feedback would be enough to help you make the changes you want, but feedback only goes so far. Here are some of the differences between feedback and coaching:

Feedback doesn’t offer solutions. It’s easy for someone to say whether they like something or not. Having suggestions for what to do differently is another matter. Coaches have suggestions.
(more…)

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