Posts Tagged ‘Communication’
| Newer Entries »Got a problem with someone? Try saying, “I’m sorry.”
Friday, October 30th, 2009
“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” you say, “It wasn’t my fault.”
I understand. And I didn’t say it was. But who’s at fault is not the point. The point is that the relationship has gone bad, and that’s no good for either of you.
Besides, I’m not saying you should apologize for whatever it is you’re disagreeing about. In fact, doing so might do more harm than good. The most important thing here is that whatever you say has to be authentic and heartfelt. Apologizing for something that you didn’t actually do is likely to be neither. And it could even be seen as being manipulative, which is even worse.
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Tags: Be Heard!, Communication, communication coach, communication training, customer service, customer service training, david levin, Don't Just Talk, leadership, leadership development, leadership training
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Pen Island
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
Okay, so you want to start a business selling pens online. Sounds like a good enough idea. So, what’s a good name for your company? How about “Pen Island”? Not sure what pens have to do with islands, but it’s a surprising combination of images that seems to stick in the mind. And since pens are fairly commoditized, a catchy name is a big plus. So, all right then. Pen Island it is! Perfectly good name.
Except, wait, you’re going to be an online business. Right. So, your URL is especially important. Okay, let’s see about that. Hmm. “Pen Island”? Good. penisland.com? Oh dear. Maybe not so good.
When I first heard of that site, well, I laughed. A lot. (It’s for real, by the way. Or for sure at .net.) But after that, I thought, “How is that possible? How did they miss that? Did they not run it past anyone?”
Tags: Communication, communication coach, communication training, david levin
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Mentor or Communication Coach?
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
I got a nice note back from a Don’t Just Talk reader the other day. The note basically said, “Really enjoyed the book, thanks. One thing though: Rather than coaching, I’ve always relied on mentoring, and recommend mentoring to other leaders too. Just another thought.”
First, let me say that this is a really good guy who I like a lot. He’s a senior-level leader with a large healthcare organization. But to suggest that mentoring is a substitute for communication coaching, well, to quote Marge from the movie Fargo, “I’m not sure I agree with your police work there, Lou.”
Consider this excerpt from Don’t Just Talk:
“It might seem like getting feedback would be enough to help you make the changes you want, but feedback only goes so far. Here are some of the differences between feedback and coaching:
Feedback doesn’t offer solutions. It’s easy for someone to say whether they like something or not. Having suggestions for what to do differently is another matter. Coaches have suggestions.
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Tags: Communication, communication coach, communication training, david levin, leadership development, leadership training
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Wise Guy
Monday, September 21st, 2009
My good friend John Miller recently sent a note to his QBQ! mailing list announcing the release of my new book, Don’t Just Talk, Be Heard! The piece included an excerpt from the book’s introduction that tells a story about my getting pulled over by the police. The short version is, I was so focused on the literal words the officer spoke that when he said “Do you have your license and registration” all I answered was, “Yes,” and well, things sort of went downhill from there.
In my mind, it’s a funny, self-deprecating story that introduces the idea of “communication gaps”—the difference between our intentions and the perceptions of others—and shows that even the author of a book on effective communication is not immune to them. Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way. The day after John’s email went out, he got this response:
“Has this guy ever been pulled over? What kind of wise guy just says “yes”? A real QBQ’er would have followed up with “would you like to see them” or even better have them already out and hanging out the window. Not just “YES”. The world does not speak literally most of the time it is sporadic and figuratively. Good communication involves listening and follow up. Your buddy was being a wise guy, he was endangering the public by going 50% faster than he should have in a residential zone and then wasted an officers time by splitting hairs.
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Tags: Communication, communication coach, communication training, david levin, leadership, leadership development, leadership training
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Tell me a story
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
My 4-year-old, Peter, took part in a study at the University of Minnesota yesterday having to do with delayed gratification in children. Apparently, there is some evidence that children with the ability to delay gratification at a young age tend to be more successful later in life. So, in this particular study, they were looking to see if they could somehow influence that ability, to improve it.
In the basic exercise, the researcher would say something along the lines of, “You can have one piece of candy now, or, if you wait, you can have four,” and see which the child picked. They did this various times, using candy, stickers, and toy cars for different scenarios. (Peter cleaned up, by the way, thank you very much.)
In trying to influence the child’s choice, they tried two different methods: one was to tell the child directly (“I think you should wait so you can get all four pieces of candy.”); the other was to tell them a story in which it was clear that waiting was better. The results? In what will surely be no surprise to any parent, telling the child directly doesn’t work. Telling stories, on the other hand, does. (more…)
Tags: Communication, communication coach, communication training, david levin, leadership development, leadership training
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8 beers
Friday, May 15th, 2009
I had an interesting experience at my neighborhood grocery store the other day. I was walking down the soda aisle, looking for my favorite caffeinated beverage (Coke Zero), when I passed a store employee stocking the shelves. As he worked, he was also talking on a cell phone. “Yeah,” I heard him laugh, ”especially after 8 beers!” I don’t know who he was talking to, but my impression was that it was a personal call. The rest of his conversation faded from hearing as I walked on.
The good news, I suppose, was that he seemed to be enjoying himself. But enjoying your work is one thing. Enjoying yourself at work is something else entirely, and not necessarily a good thing, at least from an employer’s perspective. And by the way, this was not a teenager talking, if you’re wondering. If I had to guess, I’d put him in his late 30s to early 40s. Also, let me say that I have no problem with people drinking, in general. (Though 8 beers does sound a bit excessive.) My concern is with the message his conversation sends to me as a customer, and the questions it raises in my mind. Does he have a drinking problem? Should I be concerned about him? Is he drunk right now? Does management know? Is this some sort of drink-friendly grocer? They do seem chipper. Is there something else going on? Are other staff members drunk too?
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Tags: Communication, communication coach, customer service, customer service training
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The problem with “Not a problem.”
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
This is a pet peeve of mine, but please don’t say, “Not a problem.” And this is not just me being cranky. It’s wrong. Okay, it’s not always wrong. There are times when not a problem makes sense. When might that be? Well, when perhaps it was a problem—when the request might have been an imposition. Say I ask you to do me a favor, for example. Me: “I know you’re busy, but could you possibly help me out with this?” You: ”Sure thing. Not a problem.” See? There it makes sense. My request might have been an imposition, but you’re saying it’s not. Good.
When does it not make sense? Pretty much anytime other than that. For instance, I’m trying to order a pizza. They put me on hold. It’s taking forever. My life is passing before my eyes, it’s taking so long. Finally, they come back on: ”Can I help you?”
“I’d like to order a pizza for delivery.”
“Not a problem.”
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Tags: Communication, communication coach, communication training, customer service, customer service training
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Complicated
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
Man, communicating can be tricky. You know what you want to say – and you think you have it right – but the other person hears it completely differently. It’s almost like you’re speaking in a foreign language but your translator is in a bad mood – and drunk.
In any case, that’s the sort of stuff we’ll be talking about in these pages: How can we close the gaps between what we mean to say and what people hear?
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Tags: Communication, communication coach, communication training, leadership, leadership development, leadership training
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About the Author
David Levin is a workplace communications expert and the author of Don’t Just Talk, Be Heard! Since 1995, he has been helping individuals have more influence and impact in their work and lives.
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