Posts Tagged ‘communication training’

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Presentation Tip: “Be the Host”

Monday, February 1st, 2010

How do you like giving presentations? Do you look forward to it? If so, you’re in the minority. It scares most people to death! I was in Atlanta doing a session this last Monday—for Anthem/BCBS—and it reminded me that I actually love it. (Especially when it’s with such a great group of people!) That’s a nice thing, I think, and I feel truly fortunate to have the opportunity to meet and work with people in that environment.

That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t still get nervous beforehand, because I definitely do. Here’s a tip I use that helps: “Be the Host.”

Before my presentation begins, I look out at the audience and imagine I’m hosting a dinner party, and they’re my guests. So, I don’t see them as strangers, wondering who I am (and who I think I am to be coming in here telling them anything), but as my friends, who are genuinely interested in what I have to say. They’re not sitting in judgement of me, demanding I earn their respect or be quickly dismissed. They know and like me already, and are looking forward to spending some time together. Best of all, I’m not frightened at the thought of going out there and making a fool of myself. I’ve planned things out, I’m feeling good about what I’ve prepared, and I’m genuinely looking forward to sharing it with them and making sure they enjoy themselves. And you know what? They are going to enjoy themselves—and I am too.

This might seem silly, but it works for me. No, it doesn’t get rid of all my nerves, but it does help quite a bit.

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2020 Vision (Not for your eyes. For your life.)

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Four years ago, we started a new family tradition. During the last week of the year, we all sit on the couch, turn the video camera on ourselves, and recap everything that’s happened during the year. At this stage, with two kids under five, the videos are very sweet. I can also already tell how fantastic they’re going to be for all of us as time goes on—watching the kids grow up, and ourselves grow, well, let’s just say wiser. :-)

The idea grew out of a habit of mine to take this week between Christmas and New Year’s to reflect on the year past, and think about the one to come. But really, it’s a little reflection and a lot of thinking about the year to come. What am I going to do next year? What am I excited about? Where are things going to be this time next year? It’s a fun and helpful process, but since this New Year’s Day will also New Decade’s Day, I’m changing things a bit this year. Instead of focusing only on 2010, I’m also thinking about 2020.

How about you? Where do you want to be in ten years? What’s your 2020 Vision? How different will things be then from the way they are today? Most important, what choices will you make, starting today, to put you on a path to getting there?

There’s an old proverb that says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.” What better time than the start of a new decade to take that idea to heart? Let’s plant some trees, shall we? (more…)

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You Can’t Take It Back

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Ever said something you wish you could take back? Me too. Here’s one from 25 years ago. (It’s not that I have to go back that far to find an example. Just to find one that doesn’t still hurt.) :-)

Back then, I was on the road full-time playing music, and had a band of my own, called, originally enough, The David Levin Band. We played a lot of places in the middle of nowhere and had a good bit of fun doing it. (A sad sort of fun, in retrospect. But hey, we were young!) I should also say that I wasn’t much of a band leader. In those days, I was generally more interested in hanging out with my buddies than running a business. But during one particular band meeting I apparently felt some sudden misguided impulse to take charge or something because I distinctly remember saying to the band, “Guys, this is not a democracy!”

Twenty-five years later, I’m still paying for it.
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Got a problem with someone? Try saying, “I’m sorry.”

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Here’s something you can take to the bank: If you’re having some sort of trouble with someone—conflict, tension, bad blood, whatever—nothing gets things back on track like a good old-fashioned apology.

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” you say, “It wasn’t my fault.”

I understand. And I didn’t say it was. But who’s at fault is not the point. The point is that the relationship has gone bad, and that’s no good for either of you.

Besides, I’m not saying you should apologize for whatever it is you’re disagreeing about. In fact, doing so might do more harm than good. The most important thing here is that whatever you say has to be authentic and heartfelt. Apologizing for something that you didn’t actually do is likely to be neither. And it could even be seen as being manipulative, which is even worse.
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Pen Island

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Okay, so you want to start a business selling pens online. Sounds like a good enough idea. So, what’s a good name for your company? How about “Pen Island”? Not sure what pens have to do with islands, but it’s a surprising combination of images that seems to stick in the mind. And since pens are fairly commoditized, a catchy name is a big plus. So, all right then. Pen Island it is! Perfectly good name.

Except, wait, you’re going to be an online business. Right. So, your URL is especially important. Okay, let’s see about that. Hmm. “Pen Island”? Good. penisland.com? Oh dear. Maybe not so good.

When I first heard of that site, well, I laughed. A lot. (It’s for real, by the way. Or for sure at .net.) But after that, I thought, “How is that possible? How did they miss that? Did they not run it past anyone?”

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Mentor or Communication Coach?

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

I got a nice note back from a Don’t Just Talk reader the other day. The note basically said, “Really enjoyed the book, thanks. One thing though: Rather than coaching, I’ve always relied on mentoring, and recommend mentoring to other leaders too. Just another thought.”

First, let me say that this is a really good guy who I like a lot. He’s a senior-level leader with a large healthcare organization. But to suggest that mentoring is a substitute for communication coaching, well, to quote Marge from the movie Fargo, “I’m not sure I agree with your police work there, Lou.”

Consider this excerpt from Don’t Just Talk:

“It might seem like getting feedback would be enough to help you make the changes you want, but feedback only goes so far. Here are some of the differences between feedback and coaching:

Feedback doesn’t offer solutions. It’s easy for someone to say whether they like something or not. Having suggestions for what to do differently is another matter. Coaches have suggestions.
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Wise Guy

Monday, September 21st, 2009

My good friend John Miller recently sent a note to his QBQ! mailing list announcing the release of my new book, Don’t Just Talk, Be Heard! The piece included an excerpt from the book’s introduction that tells a story about my getting pulled over by the police. The short version is, I was so focused on the literal words the officer spoke that when he said “Do you have your license and registration” all I answered was, “Yes,” and well, things sort of went downhill from there.

In my mind, it’s a funny, self-deprecating story that introduces the idea of “communication gaps”—the difference between our intentions and the perceptions of others—and shows that even the author of a book on effective communication is not immune to them. Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way. The day after John’s email went out, he got this response:

“Has this guy ever been pulled over? What kind of wise guy just says “yes”? A real QBQ’er would have followed up with “would you like to see them” or even better have them already out and hanging out the window. Not just “YES”. The world does not speak literally most of the time it is sporadic and figuratively. Good communication involves listening and follow up. Your buddy was being a wise guy, he was endangering the public by going 50% faster than he should have in a residential zone and then wasted an officers time by splitting hairs.
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Tell me a story

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

My 4-year-old, Peter, took part in a study at the University of Minnesota yesterday having to do with delayed gratification in children. Apparently, there is some evidence that children with the ability to delay gratification at a young age tend to be more successful later in life. So, in this particular study, they were looking to see if they could somehow influence that ability, to improve it.

In the basic exercise, the researcher would say something along the lines of, “You can have one piece of candy now, or, if you wait, you can have four,” and see which the child picked. They did this various times, using candy, stickers, and toy cars for different scenarios. (Peter cleaned up, by the way, thank you very much.)

In trying to influence the child’s choice, they tried two different methods: one was to tell the child directly (“I think you should wait so you can get all four pieces of candy.”); the other was to tell them a story in which it was clear that waiting was better. The results? In what will surely be no surprise to any parent, telling the child directly doesn’t work. Telling stories, on the other hand, does. (more…)

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The problem with “Not a problem.”

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

This is a pet peeve of mine, but please don’t say, “Not a problem.”  And this is not just me being cranky.  It’s wrong.  Okay, it’s not always wrong.  There are times when not a problem makes sense.  When might that be?  Well, when perhaps it was a problem—when the request might have been an imposition.  Say I ask you to do me a favor, for example.  Me:  “I know you’re busy, but could you possibly help me out with this?”  You:  ”Sure thing. Not a problem.”  See?  There it makes sense.  My request might have been an imposition, but you’re saying it’s not.  Good.

When does it not make sense?  Pretty much anytime other than that.  For instance,  I’m trying to order a pizza.  They put me on hold.  It’s taking forever.  My life is passing before my eyes, it’s taking so long.  Finally, they come back on:  ”Can I help you?”

“I’d like to order a pizza for delivery.”

“Not a problem.”
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Complicated

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Man, communicating can be tricky. You know what you want to say – and you think you have it right – but the other person hears it completely differently.   It’s almost like you’re speaking in a foreign language but your translator is in a bad mood – and drunk.

In any case, that’s the sort of stuff we’ll be talking about in these pages:   How can we close the gaps between what we mean to say and what people hear?
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