Posts Tagged ‘communication coach’

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Tell me a story

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

My 4-year-old, Peter, took part in a study at the University of Minnesota yesterday having to do with delayed gratification in children. Apparently, there is some evidence that children with the ability to delay gratification at a young age tend to be more successful later in life. So, in this particular study, they were looking to see if they could somehow influence that ability, to improve it.

In the basic exercise, the researcher would say something along the lines of, “You can have one piece of candy now, or, if you wait, you can have four,” and see which the child picked. They did this various times, using candy, stickers, and toy cars for different scenarios. (Peter cleaned up, by the way, thank you very much.)

In trying to influence the child’s choice, they tried two different methods: one was to tell the child directly (“I think you should wait so you can get all four pieces of candy.”); the other was to tell them a story in which it was clear that waiting was better. The results? In what will surely be no surprise to any parent, telling the child directly doesn’t work. Telling stories, on the other hand, does. (more…)

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8 beers

Friday, May 15th, 2009

I had an interesting experience at my neighborhood grocery store the other day.  I was walking down the soda aisle, looking for my favorite caffeinated beverage (Coke Zero), when I passed a store employee stocking the shelves.  As he worked, he was also talking on a cell phone.  “Yeah,” I heard him laugh, ”especially after 8 beers!”  I don’t know who he was talking to, but my impression was that it was a personal call.  The rest of his conversation faded from hearing as I walked on.

The good news, I suppose, was that he seemed to be enjoying himself.  But enjoying your work is one thing.  Enjoying yourself at work is something else entirely, and not necessarily a good thing, at least from an employer’s perspective.  And by the way, this was not a teenager talking, if you’re wondering.  If I had to guess, I’d put him in his late 30s to early 40s.  Also, let me say that I have no problem with people drinking, in general.  (Though 8 beers does sound a bit excessive.)  My concern is with the message his conversation sends to me as a customer, and the questions it raises in my mind.  Does he have a drinking problem?  Should I be concerned about him?  Is he drunk right now?  Does management know?  Is this some sort of drink-friendly grocer?  They do seem chipper.  Is there something else going on?  Are other staff members drunk too?
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The problem with “Not a problem.”

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

This is a pet peeve of mine, but please don’t say, “Not a problem.”  And this is not just me being cranky.  It’s wrong.  Okay, it’s not always wrong.  There are times when not a problem makes sense.  When might that be?  Well, when perhaps it was a problem—when the request might have been an imposition.  Say I ask you to do me a favor, for example.  Me:  “I know you’re busy, but could you possibly help me out with this?”  You:  ”Sure thing. Not a problem.”  See?  There it makes sense.  My request might have been an imposition, but you’re saying it’s not.  Good.

When does it not make sense?  Pretty much anytime other than that.  For instance,  I’m trying to order a pizza.  They put me on hold.  It’s taking forever.  My life is passing before my eyes, it’s taking so long.  Finally, they come back on:  ”Can I help you?”

“I’d like to order a pizza for delivery.”

“Not a problem.”
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Complicated

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Man, communicating can be tricky. You know what you want to say – and you think you have it right – but the other person hears it completely differently.   It’s almost like you’re speaking in a foreign language but your translator is in a bad mood – and drunk.

In any case, that’s the sort of stuff we’ll be talking about in these pages:   How can we close the gaps between what we mean to say and what people hear?
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