Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category

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Presentation Tip: “Be the Host”

Monday, February 1st, 2010

How do you like giving presentations? Do you look forward to it? If so, you’re in the minority. It scares most people to death! I was in Atlanta doing a session this last Monday—for Anthem/BCBS—and it reminded me that I actually love it. (Especially when it’s with such a great group of people!) That’s a nice thing, I think, and I feel truly fortunate to have the opportunity to meet and work with people in that environment.

That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t still get nervous beforehand, because I definitely do. Here’s a tip I use that helps: “Be the Host.”

Before my presentation begins, I look out at the audience and imagine I’m hosting a dinner party, and they’re my guests. So, I don’t see them as strangers, wondering who I am (and who I think I am to be coming in here telling them anything), but as my friends, who are genuinely interested in what I have to say. They’re not sitting in judgement of me, demanding I earn their respect or be quickly dismissed. They know and like me already, and are looking forward to spending some time together. Best of all, I’m not frightened at the thought of going out there and making a fool of myself. I’ve planned things out, I’m feeling good about what I’ve prepared, and I’m genuinely looking forward to sharing it with them and making sure they enjoy themselves. And you know what? They are going to enjoy themselves—and I am too.

This might seem silly, but it works for me. No, it doesn’t get rid of all my nerves, but it does help quite a bit.

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“Elevate the Conversation” (Outstanding!)

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

NOTE: As I was finishing up Don’t Just Talk, Be Heard! last Spring, my good friend John Miller called one day to say he had a new book he wanted to write. (Translation: Let’s start writing—today!) Fantastic!, I thought. And, AAAAHHH!!! Needless to say the next few months were crazy. (I actually started to have repetitive motion issues in my right elbow from all the writing.) But it worked out great. I got Don’t Just Talk out in September, as you know. And now, (Ta Da!) the official release date of Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional is upon us! I’m really excited about the book, and wanted to share a bit of it with you today.


(FYI, the official release date is this Thursday, the 7th. You can place advance orders now at Amazon if you want, or just visit your favorite bookseller on the 7th.)

Since communication is the subject nearest to my heart, here’s Chapter 32 from Outstanding!: “Elevate the Conversation.” But the other 46 chapters are full of information that’s every bit as important for your organization’s success. Really, one of my favorite things in working on the book was the growing feeling as it came together of what an incredible resource it was going to be for organizations. It’s just SO full of great stuff!

Anyway, you can see a bit of that for yourself right now. And I hope you check out the rest soon.

Enjoy!

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Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional

Chapter Thirty-Two
Elevate the Conversation

In organizations, people need to talk to each other. Sounds obvious, I know, but sometimes there are groups, teams, or departments that just do not communicate with each other very well—even when they’re in the same room! And, even in our high-tech world of virtual meetings, webcasts, and online chats, getting people together still brings tremendous value. Being face-to-face is a fundamental human need that isn’t going away just because we’ve come up with time- and money-saving meeting options. The desire to know our teammates better, to understand their views, and to be connected to them is a powerful one, and it’s still best done in person. And since there is less face time available than ever before—at least in most organizations—it’s even more imperative that the time invested in a gathering be both productive and constructive.

When I first started working with teams, I remember how odd it seemed that people didn’t speak up or communicated in “code,” failing to address real problems Over time, I began to see that there are four levels of conversation or communication among teams and workgroups. “Team talk,” if you will, ranged from non-existent to truly healthy, valuable, and meaningful. I call these levels the “4 D’s” and here they are:

Denial
To call this lowest level “conversation” is really a misrepresentation because there is no talking or communication going on at all. (more…)

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2020 Vision (Not for your eyes. For your life.)

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Four years ago, we started a new family tradition. During the last week of the year, we all sit on the couch, turn the video camera on ourselves, and recap everything that’s happened during the year. At this stage, with two kids under five, the videos are very sweet. I can also already tell how fantastic they’re going to be for all of us as time goes on—watching the kids grow up, and ourselves grow, well, let’s just say wiser. :-)

The idea grew out of a habit of mine to take this week between Christmas and New Year’s to reflect on the year past, and think about the one to come. But really, it’s a little reflection and a lot of thinking about the year to come. What am I going to do next year? What am I excited about? Where are things going to be this time next year? It’s a fun and helpful process, but since this New Year’s Day will also New Decade’s Day, I’m changing things a bit this year. Instead of focusing only on 2010, I’m also thinking about 2020.

How about you? Where do you want to be in ten years? What’s your 2020 Vision? How different will things be then from the way they are today? Most important, what choices will you make, starting today, to put you on a path to getting there?

There’s an old proverb that says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.” What better time than the start of a new decade to take that idea to heart? Let’s plant some trees, shall we? (more…)

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Ho Ho Ho! (Ha Ha Ha! He He He!)

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

One of the things I find most sweet about Peter at this age is that he hasn’t quite developed his lying skills yet, or the instincts to cover up bad behavior. For example:

“Peter, where are you? What are you doing?”
“Don’t come in here.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s something you’re not going to like!”

Another example: Coming home from playing at a friend’s house, as soon as we got in the car, Peter announced, “When we get home, I’m heading straight upstairs to play, because I’ve got something COOL in my pocket!” He had “borrowed” (without permission) a tiny lego piece to replace one he’d lost at home. I’m not even sure he considered it stealing, and I’m definitely sure his friend would never have noticed it was gone. But we had a little talk, nonetheless, and he returned the piece the next day, with apologies.

Funny stuff. And I know he’ll figure all that deception stuff out soon enough, so I’m appreciating the innocence while it lasts!

Speaking of comedy … (more…)

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Wonderful, Beautiful

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

I met my wife, Margret, in the Fall of 1987, waiting tables in an Italian restaurant in downtown Minneapolis. I was 28, she was 22, and we were both somewhat adrift at the time, though me much more so than her. I was just coming off of ten years playing rock and roll across the upper midwest, and had no idea what I was going to do next. She had just finished college, and, though she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do either, she was at least drifting amongst good options. (She entered medical school two years later.)

The point is, when Margret first introduced me to her folks, I can’t imagine they were too thrilled. I mean, I’m sure I was nice and upbeat and all that. But still, a musician? For their little girl? (Margret is the youngest of seven.) Honestly, it must have sent shivers down their spines. But if it did, they never let me know. From the very first day, Joyce and Jim welcomed me into their family, and have shown me nothing but kindness and respect ever since.

In recent years, Joyce has taken to referring to her children and grandchildren as “Wonderful, beautiful.” She’ll write in birthday cards, “To wonderful, beautiful Peter!” And tell them in person: “Hello, you wonderful, beautiful child!” I must confess that it seems a little over-the-top to me at times, but I can be something of a party-pooper, too, so pay me no mind. The truth is, it’s sweet and sincere, and the kids love her, as does everyone in her life. Or, to be technically correct, I should say, “as did everyone in her life.” Joyce passed away this last weekend.
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You Can’t Take It Back

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Ever said something you wish you could take back? Me too. Here’s one from 25 years ago. (It’s not that I have to go back that far to find an example. Just to find one that doesn’t still hurt.) :-)

Back then, I was on the road full-time playing music, and had a band of my own, called, originally enough, The David Levin Band. We played a lot of places in the middle of nowhere and had a good bit of fun doing it. (A sad sort of fun, in retrospect. But hey, we were young!) I should also say that I wasn’t much of a band leader. In those days, I was generally more interested in hanging out with my buddies than running a business. But during one particular band meeting I apparently felt some sudden misguided impulse to take charge or something because I distinctly remember saying to the band, “Guys, this is not a democracy!”

Twenty-five years later, I’m still paying for it.
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Got a problem with someone? Try saying, “I’m sorry.”

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Here’s something you can take to the bank: If you’re having some sort of trouble with someone—conflict, tension, bad blood, whatever—nothing gets things back on track like a good old-fashioned apology.

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” you say, “It wasn’t my fault.”

I understand. And I didn’t say it was. But who’s at fault is not the point. The point is that the relationship has gone bad, and that’s no good for either of you.

Besides, I’m not saying you should apologize for whatever it is you’re disagreeing about. In fact, doing so might do more harm than good. The most important thing here is that whatever you say has to be authentic and heartfelt. Apologizing for something that you didn’t actually do is likely to be neither. And it could even be seen as being manipulative, which is even worse.
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Pen Island

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Okay, so you want to start a business selling pens online. Sounds like a good enough idea. So, what’s a good name for your company? How about “Pen Island”? Not sure what pens have to do with islands, but it’s a surprising combination of images that seems to stick in the mind. And since pens are fairly commoditized, a catchy name is a big plus. So, all right then. Pen Island it is! Perfectly good name.

Except, wait, you’re going to be an online business. Right. So, your URL is especially important. Okay, let’s see about that. Hmm. “Pen Island”? Good. penisland.com? Oh dear. Maybe not so good.

When I first heard of that site, well, I laughed. A lot. (It’s for real, by the way. Or for sure at .net.) But after that, I thought, “How is that possible? How did they miss that? Did they not run it past anyone?”

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Mentor or Communication Coach?

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

I got a nice note back from a Don’t Just Talk reader the other day. The note basically said, “Really enjoyed the book, thanks. One thing though: Rather than coaching, I’ve always relied on mentoring, and recommend mentoring to other leaders too. Just another thought.”

First, let me say that this is a really good guy who I like a lot. He’s a senior-level leader with a large healthcare organization. But to suggest that mentoring is a substitute for communication coaching, well, to quote Marge from the movie Fargo, “I’m not sure I agree with your police work there, Lou.”

Consider this excerpt from Don’t Just Talk:

“It might seem like getting feedback would be enough to help you make the changes you want, but feedback only goes so far. Here are some of the differences between feedback and coaching:

Feedback doesn’t offer solutions. It’s easy for someone to say whether they like something or not. Having suggestions for what to do differently is another matter. Coaches have suggestions.
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Wise Guy

Monday, September 21st, 2009

My good friend John Miller recently sent a note to his QBQ! mailing list announcing the release of my new book, Don’t Just Talk, Be Heard! The piece included an excerpt from the book’s introduction that tells a story about my getting pulled over by the police. The short version is, I was so focused on the literal words the officer spoke that when he said “Do you have your license and registration” all I answered was, “Yes,” and well, things sort of went downhill from there.

In my mind, it’s a funny, self-deprecating story that introduces the idea of “communication gaps”—the difference between our intentions and the perceptions of others—and shows that even the author of a book on effective communication is not immune to them. Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way. The day after John’s email went out, he got this response:

“Has this guy ever been pulled over? What kind of wise guy just says “yes”? A real QBQ’er would have followed up with “would you like to see them” or even better have them already out and hanging out the window. Not just “YES”. The world does not speak literally most of the time it is sporadic and figuratively. Good communication involves listening and follow up. Your buddy was being a wise guy, he was endangering the public by going 50% faster than he should have in a residential zone and then wasted an officers time by splitting hairs.
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